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Hand, nobody told me about the weight. Why didn't our parents tell us about the weight? ... The fucking weight, Hand. How does the woman Ingres live? The one from Marrakesh? If we're vessels, and we are, then we, you and I, are overful, and that means she's at the bottom of a deep cold lake. ... There is this bounty before us, all the foods of the world, everything perfect and rich, and I want to devour it all but I have been stuffed already�with sand and fire. At twenty-seven I am overfull with sand and fire and it wasn't my choice. ... I don't want my own thoughts anymore. I want my head to be only a part of something else. A small part of a thinking organism. ... Make me a part of that, make my brain just part of that operation. I want none of my own thoughts anymore. I want to donate my head. ... Jesus, Hand, we're only twenty-seven. Doesn't it seem like someone's fucking with us here? The weight! I can't do� It'll only get worse. ... I am ready. I am tingling for the world. But I was already raw. I didn't realize how raw. Then we planned this trip and I thought I could do more, that I could do better. But now I want to see the end. When you know when the weight will be lifted you can bear it in the meantime. ... When we pass by another person without telling them we love them it's cruel and wrong and we all know this. We live in a constant state of denial and imbalance. ... "Let's go," I said. "Let's do the next thing." |