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Coming Home From The Bar

Appleton WI, April 1998

Out on the avenue, we sit on a bench to get some fresh air because I am getting sleepy and after all I�ve been drunk since 3.30�and she says it was so glad to talk to you and I say good let�s do it again and she says certainly and then I walk home and on the way jam the earphones into my ears and listen to Tortoise so as to soothe the tumult of angry crazed lustful voices in my head.

Ireland, November 1998

Walking back from a righteous pub scene just over the bridge and down the road. Grasping at grace and staggering merrily bragging verily inwards, we stop and look for the Big Dipper. She�s wearing the ridiculous Guiness hat she bought at the Cliffs of Moher. We go to a clearing and search in vain. All the despair is sadly worth it. The digital breathing under cover of darkness; the adagio march up the steps toward the cliff. And the descent.

London, December 1998

I wasn�t at all in a pub-going mood but I went anyway and sort of cheered up after a pint, but then didn�t feel like drinking anymore but Ross bought me a pint and so I drank that and felt better, but that wore off before long and it was a goddamn large and loud and crowded pub, O�Neill�s on Old Brompton, and I went outside and felt like I was going to cry and felt low and like I was dragging baggage or weights around with me. We stopped at an old church and sat on the front wall for a few minutes. I forget what we said. We kept walking, turned around and headed back the way we came. I forget what else we said. We stopped at the church again and sat on its cold stone wall. The weather here the last week or so had been unseaonably warm even for London and we�d been going out wearing nothing but sweaters.

Silver Spring MD, July 1999

We drank beer and laughed as my mother and her siblings told hilarious stories. We walked around Greenbelt in crushing humidity and visited the old favorite places. We adjourned to a pub/restaurant with endless pitchers of beer and my brother and I sat and talked with Courtney and her new boyfriend/fianc�. Then those two took my brother and I out in the car and we ended up in Ellicot City, looking for good bars, of which there were none, but we sat in a couple of mediocre ones and drank more beer. In the car on the way we were listening to Songs From The Big Chair and I rushed through space and time so fast I got queasy.

Grinnell, December 1999

There�s a standard permutation for off-peak pub nights when there are only maybe a dozen people there, all regulars, and we can stretch out and play pool and revel in that fraternal carousing, pretending we�ve hit rock bottom, wondering what it would be like if we actually did, make inside jokes, not worry about how we appear to girls, play games on the trivia machine, order pints and pitchers, play "Marquee Moon" on the jukebox, scratch on the eight ball.

Manhattan, March 2001

We were very drunk and took a three dollar taxi ride back to his neighborhood, ducking into a porn shop. Went to another bar called the Parlour, where a random man gave us tickets for free drinks. It was a bad idea. We felt like we had to take advantage even though the last thing we needed at the time was more beer. I got a Caffrey�s and we sat down. We talked for a while, then I got up and made it to the bathroom in time to throw up. Back at home, we sat up and drank water and watched bad late-night TV.

Iowa City, May 2001

I dared Neil to fake no fewer than eight "breakdowns" over the course of the evening, with sobbing and clutching of the brow, etc. He had most of them at our table, and they were a little disturbing but essentially harmless and funny in a twisted sort of way. But then we were ordering at the Deadwood and I dared him to have one while he ordered. So he orders a pitcher of beer through overwrought crocodile beers and much effected pathos, and comepletely freaks out the girl who�s taking his order. I felt sorry for her, observing her worried experession as she went to fill his pitcher. She comes back and Neil is all smiles and apologizing, explaining that it was a stupid bet he has with a friend, and she kind of laughs nervously and says she just didn�t know what was going on, that maybe she should cut him off or something. Again, funny in a twisted way.

Minneapolis, May 2001

After the show we went to an Irish pub across the street where I got three Caffrey�s and pretty drunk. Then we were off, Mark and I going across the street towards the parking garage and the girls heading another way. I napped for a little while Mark drove, and then we got out of the city and headed south while singing along with the last Jawbox album. We have this strange, almost menstrual syncronicity to our routines. We have similar habits at similar times. We have a begrudging respect for each other that is indefatigable.

Grinnell, July 2001

My brother was back from Kansas City, so he came over to Mark�s and we sat in the air-conditioning drinking beer. The air outside was oppressively humid. We walked to K&G and bought hilarious 40s, carrying them across the terrain in paper bags. We finally surrendered ourselves back into the air-conditioning at Mark�s, sitting in the attic listening to the Flaming Lips and getting tipsy. I went to the pub with Aden and Jason. We played darts and I programmed nostalgic music into the jukebox, �With Or Without You,� and sat in my chair bleary-eyed while they kicked my ass at darts. We retired to barstools and watched a cute hippie girl leave.

Iowa City, July 2001

I decided I was still not drunk enough and decided for some reason to go for full-on obliteration, alone and pathetic. I had a pint at Fitzpatrick�s, then half a glass of cheap beer at the Vine and staggered home, summarily blasted. The hangover insomnia hit hard around nine in the morning, as always.

Upstate New York, August 2001

Last night Aden and I borrowed Graver�s car and drove south to Poughkeepsie, hoping to scope out some Vassar girls. I drove down the smooth dark highway through forests, listening to classic rock radio. When we got there, it was a strange scene. The campus itself was huge and forboding, with gates and security checkpoints. The adjoining town didn�t seem to have much to offer, but there was one tiny tavern that we went into and had a beer in. When we got up to leave, a girl from out of nowhere asked me why I was leaving. I said something lame about how I was driving so I couldn�t drink anymore.

Iowa City, September 2001

Neil and I went to the Green Room, then the Dublin. Drank beers. At home in the living room, we laid down and watched Akira while recovering from punch-drunkenness, trying to reconcile our silly sad lives.

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