If you've nothing better to do tonight at 8 p.m. CDT, you can catch a song by my band on the show "Summerland" on the WB. It's only the beginning of what I hope will be my long affiliation with shlock television.

And now, on with the list:

Def Leppard, Hysteria

No, seriously.

I'm going to try and avoid discussing how unfashionable it is for me to enjoy�seriously and without irony�Def Leppard. I think maybe it's so unfashionable that it crosses back over into fashionable territory, but just barely. Most people who know me well have been over this with me before, so I'm going to try and keep it brief. Hysteria contains some of the smartest, catchiest pop songs in history, and you'd probably be surprised at how many serious, "respectable" musicians will agree with me on that point.

Moments during this album which still give me chills, seventeen years later, include but are not limited to: the opening section of "Animal"; the first three sections of "Gods Of War" and its "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" coda, replete with cheesy Reagan/Thatcher speeches; the solo in "Armageddon It"; pretty much all of the title track, a perfectly serviceable ballad that stands the test of time. When I first fell in love with Def Leppard there was actually a brief period of time when I too wanted to lose one of my arms so I could be a one-armed drummer. No lie.

Other remarkable pieces of information include, but are not limited to: Every song on the first side of the album and one on the second side was a top-20 single, the last released in 1989, a full two years after the album's release. ... Rick Allen has now been drumming with one arm longer than he ever played the drums with two. ... Yes, I had a Def Leppard t-shirt in seventh grade. I also bought, read, and re-read the authorized biography, Animal Instinct. I also had the video collection, Historia (get it??). ... Not too long ago, Def Leppard played the Iowa State Fair two years in a row; for some stupid reason, I didn't attend either time. ... The Def Leppard we know today was built from the ground up by producer Mutt Lange. Then he married Shania Twain. ... In middle school, some bullies who knew I liked Def Leppard told me that everyone in the band was gay. "I saw it on the news. The lead singer married a man. In England." ... Displaying a frank sense of humor, the members of the group have said that the reason they don't print the lyrics to their songs in the liner notes is that they look really stupid written down. ... During the Hysteria tour, the band played arenas with an in-the-round stage specially designed with a trap door in it so that, during the drum solo (yes, a one-armed drum solo), certain members of the band could go under the stage and receive sexual favors from groupies.

Anyway. So there�s that.

I still haven't seen the VH1 biopic featuring Anthony Michael Hall as Mutt Lange. Can I Netflix that shit?

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