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606

Inner dialogue
24 August 2004

CAST:

EGO ... Phillip Seymour-Hoffman
SUPEREGO ... Bill Murray
ID ... Vince Vaughn
WAITRESS ... Julia Stiles


EGO: So I�ve been wondering something.

SUPEREGO: I�m thirsty.

ID: Always complaining.

EGO: I think I�m a fraud.

ID: What? Oh Jesus.

SUPEREGO: That�s totally normal.

EGO: Yeah, I know. It�s hardly anything new, but�

ID: Is the curry good here?

EGO: That depends. Red or green?

ID: Oh, I don�t know. I can never decide.

SUPEREGO: Who do I have to guilt-trip to get a glass of water around here?

EGO: Anyway, am I?

ID: Are you what?

SUPEREGO: A fraud, he means.

ID: Oh, right. Christ, I don�t know. Can we order first?

EGO: Fine. Okay, green. The green�s better.

SUPEREGO: There�s no way I�m getting curry if they won�t even bring me a glass of water.

ID: People in Hell want ice water.

SUPEREGO: What? That�

ID: I�m just saying, is all. Man, this is good bread.

SUPEREGO: �that�s totally irrelevant to�

EGO: Oh hey, that�s another thing.

SUPEREGO: �our conversation. It doesn�t even mean

EGO: That�s another thing I�ve been wondering about.

SUPEREGO: If it�s about a haircut, the answer is yes.

EGO: No. I�m not a religious person, but�

ID: Yes, no, all of the above.

EGO: Stop interrupting.

ID: He started it.

EGO: What I�ve been wondering is, um, do you think there�s a Hell?

SUPEREGO: [Eyes rolling.] No.

ID: Oh hell yes there is. [Chuckling.] Pun completely intended, gents.

SUPEREGO: There is not a Hell. Don�t listen to him.

ID: Wanna put money on it?

SUPEREGO: No, I want a glass of water.

EGO: So what�s it like?

ID: What? The curry? I don�t know, I told you I�ve never�

EGO: No, Hell.

ID: Oh, yeah. Well, it�s kind of like�

SUPEREGO: Oh man, here we go.

ID: Okay, well ... You remember the other day, on the way to work, when you got all the way to the El station before you realized you�d left your wallet at home, and then you had to run all the way back home, get your wallet, and run all the way back?

EGO: Yeah ...

ID: It�s that. Over and over.

EGO: Really? God, that�s awful.

SUPEREGO: He�s lying. He�s full of lies.

ID: Listening to, like, really shitty music on your iPod the whole time.

EGO: Oh God!

SUPEREGO: This is pseudophilosophical blueballs.

EGO: All the way back and forth, all six blocks?

SUPEREGO: A bunch of high-concept nothing.

ID: Yep. And it�s even worse, because, like, you�re doing it metaphysically.

SUPEREGO: That doesn�t even mean anything.

EGO: Jesus. How bad is the music?

ID: Oh, let�s say really bad.

SUPEREGO: Stop it.

ID: Ironically enough, Train.

SUPEREGO: Please stop.

EGO: Oh, God no! The band Train?

ID: Yep. �Drops Of Jupiter�.

EGO: Oh my god.

ID: Yeah. Dante didn�t know the half.

SUPEREGO: You know he�s making all this up.

EGO: Physically running, back and forth?

ID: Sprinting. In July.

SUPEREGO: Lord knows you could use the exercise.

ID: In wool slacks.

EGO: That�s awful.

SUPEREGO: Look, can we get back to the point?

EGO: What was the point?

ID: Yeah, what was the point? Hey, are you gonna have any more of that bread?

SUPEREGO: Not without anything to drink I�m not.

ID: Great, thanks.

EGO: I�m worried I�m a fraud.

ID: [Chewing] What? Oh, yeah. Well, you probably are.

SUPEREGO: Like he needs to hear that!

EGO: Well, maybe I am a fraud.

ID: Maybe you are. Hell, we can�t really say for sure.

SUPEREGO: Yeah. I mean, we�re not exactly unbiased observers.

WAITRESS: Are you ready to order here?

EGO: Yeah, I think�

ID: No way, man! I haven�t decided yet.

EGO: Uh�I guess I need another minute or so.

SUPEREGO: Excuse me, could I�

WAITRESS: Okay. take your time. [Walks away.]

SUPEREGO: Goddamnit!

EGO: Pipe down.

SUPEREGO: Fucking hell. I can�t read this menu without my glasses.

ID: I�m horny.


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