I don't know if you've heard, but the humorous nickname template "Blankey McBlankBlank" is officially done. It's been used by everyone in the world by now. Kids at the mall are walking around saying "Faggy McGaytard" like they're Lenny Bruce, and that's just really not what nature intended. This is really too bad, because I was an early champion of the form, and found it quite useful in a variety of situations. But it's done. It's just not funny anymore. Or, rather, you have to plug some really good shit in there for it to still be funny. And rather than expending your precious comedic energy on that, just go ahead and come up with something completely new. Your friends won't get it at first, but if it's really good, and you use it judiciously, it'll catch on. And then in a couple years, when SNL and McSweeney's are using it, you can say you started it.

I was having a bad day today. By the time I took my lunch break, my inevitable mid-day slump had left me exhausted, bored, and hungry. Bypassing the cafeteria in my building, where I usually eat but which, of late, had not been offering any terribly appetizing options, I instead wandered outside to try and find not just food but reading material as well, since I'd left my book at home. In the course of my three-block walk to Border's, I found myself cursing everything: the heat (84 degrees and it's almost October? Are you kidding me?), slow walkers, and the anti-choice protesters in Daley Plaza with their huge full-color posters of aborted fetuses. There was nothing at Border's that piqued my interest, so I walked back toward my building, resigning myself to a Jimmy John's sandwich along the way. I headed over to Waldenbooks to see if they had Harper's, having not seen it at Border's, when something in the front window caught my eye: it was Jon Stewart's face, an image that has never failed to provide solace, entertainment, and a heterosexual male's confident appraisal of an exceptionally handsome man. I had no idea he had a new book out, and I went inside to take a gander at the Daily Show "textbook" just released on Monday: America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide To Democracy Inaction. I didn't even have to see the the jacket blurbs ("'This is similar to my works in that anyone who reads it is sure to be an asshole for at least a month afterward.' �Ayn Rand") and the dedication ("To the huddled masses, Keep yearnin'!") to know it was worth the $18: Anything bearing Stewart's name was not not going to entertain me. Suddenly, my day was better. I went back outside, sat down with my sandwich and my new book, and prepared to laugh myself happy again.

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