I am fresh out of ideas for an entry today, but I feel like I need to do something. Cutting and pasting Kerouac poems is all well and good, but I feel that my readership deserves more. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling terribly creative. Maybe I'll do a this-is-how-my-day-went type entry, which is what comprises 99% of most blogs anyway.

So here it is. I woke up with a wicked katzenjammer courtesy of last night's birthday festivities for Mr Chris Ellis. We all convened at the Alley Cat�er, sorry, Studio 13�and declared a jihad on it. I had approximately 15,302 Jack & Cokes, and I didn't even get there till well after midnight.

After spending the first part of the day recovering, I went to work. In the parking lot I saw my first-ever hybrid car. I could almost feel seismic waves of arrogance from its driver, all haughty with the efficient and quiet operation of his vehicle. Good thing our country's blood-lust for oil won't be quenched anytime soon, because solar power is the most absurd idea I've ever heard! Why draw power from a free, renewable resource like sunlight, when there are cultures to plunder, wars to fight, and young American lives to be lost over the fossilized remains of dinosaurs? Oh, I know why: because our government is in bed with the oil companies! How silly of me!

Every once in a while I'm reminded that there are people out there with absolutely no sense of sarcasm.

Work was uneventful and even, at times, fun. One of my coworkers is pregnant, so I made a lot of stupid jokes about her being knocked up. Fortunately, she has a good sense of humor. I asked her if she'd be offended if, instead of paging her by her name, I simply paged "The Babymaker." I also drove all of my coworkers nuts with a simple turn of phrase involving the hitting of trails. Example: "Well, time for me to hit the lunch trail!" or, "Hey, could you watch my register? I've got to hit the bathroom trail!" or, "I've got a headache! I'm going to go hit the ibuprofin trail!"

Comedy gold!

A girl came to my register with a couple of books on tantric sex. She asked me if I was embarrassed and I told her I've seen much worse. She then told me that her boyfriend just watched American Pie and now he wants to learn how to have tantric sex. On her way out I said "Good luck!" and I think I embarrassed her.

I also bought two new CDs, Brokeback's Looks At The Bird and Seven Worlds Collide by that one guy.

Some idiot kid let go of her balloon while she was in the store and it floated up to the ceiling and she cried the rest of the time she was in the store. We rejoiced mightily in her sorrow, for we are heartless! Ha ha! Later, after we closed, I set the in-store music to Eighties (of course) and got the balloon down by taping a boxcutter to the end of a broomstick and poking the balloon. I felt like MacGyver. I was way too proud of myself.

After work I went over to Jenn's. We bit the bullet and bought plane tickets to San Francisco for March. The plan right now is to fly there, crash with Neil, party like rock stars, then rent a car and drive up the coast to Seattle. I'm generally not good at acting on spontaneous ideas and the spending of money I don't have, so this is all new to me.

LISA: Look on the bright side, Dad. Did you know that the Chinese use the same word for "crisis" as they do for "opportunity"?
HOMER: Yes! "Cris-atunity!"

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