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1. The right side of the escalator is for standing; the left side for
walking. Why did you stand on the left side this morning? Couldn�t you
feel me burning holes into your back with my laser-vision?
2. If I put Caesar salad dressing on a Greek salad, will the resulting clash of ancient civilizations cause it to taste bad?
3. Are game shows on Telemundo hilarious because they're in a foreign
language I cannot understand, or because they are simply ridiculous? Or is it both?
4. It�s both, isn�t it?
5. Did the woman who was putting her dog into her car as I walked by last
night mutter "faggot" under her breath, or did she say something more
innocuous like "That's it," directed instead at her dog, and I misheard
her due to my latent persecution complex?
6. One day in college I found myself in an elevator with William Sloane
Coffin, who was a visiting professor at the time. He quipped that the
�door close� button had no actual effect on the elevator�s operation;
rather, it was a psychological device to meant to placate human
impatience. My question is, what�s the correlation between old men who
wear socks with sandals, and senility?
7. Do I really have to read every item in the New Yorker's "Talk Of The
Town" section? Every week?
8. Really?
9. When I went to the bathroom as a child, I would sit on the toilet and
speak aloud with an invisible journalist who was interviewing me about my career as a famous actor / writer / rock star / Han Solo. Is it normal for this to continue today, in my adulthood, and if so, is it appropriate for me to conduct these "interviews" in the office bathroom at work, with the
adjoining stalls on either side occupied?
10. And what�s the deal with airline food?
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