You know, it's a good thing file-sharing is still possible, if not quite legal. There was a time when I would have said, "Gee, you know, I kinda wish that, back in 11th grade, I hadn't sold that Steve Vai CD I had. Maybe it's not such a bad album after all. I think I'll go down to the nearest used compact-disc emporium and buy it, if they've got it for under seven dollars." See, with file-sharing, I can download a few tracks for free, listen to them here at work, and remember just what a ridiculously horrible shit-biscuit that album is. Then I can delete those tracks immediately and permanently, and I've suffered no net financial loss.

I love living in the future.

This morning I went down to the 39th floor to get a bottle of apple juice. On the way back up, I casually used that same bottle to press the elevator button. A woman standing behind me and wearing a maintenance uniform said, "That's how those buttons get broken, you know." It took me a second to even realize she was speaking to me. I turned around and said, "Really?" kind of incredulously. She just permitted herself a weary "Yep," accompanied by a stern nod. On the way back up to my floor, I thought about what had just happened. I hadn't even hit the button that forcefully. The only difference between using my thumb to press it, and a bottle of apple juice, is that the latter object is plastic. And what kind of sub-par, third-world, budget-level mechanisms are they installing in this building anyway, if they can't withstand the force of a plastic bottle cap? As I returned to my desk, I generated a series of comeback lines, just a little too late:

"Well, that's a pretty shitty button, then."

"Lady, that's the least of our problems."

"Sorry, sometimes I don't know my own strength. I've killed many people simply by hugging them."

"Yeah, well, if I used my thumb, I'd get your germs."

"And this is how hearts get broken!" [as I collapse in convulsive sobs]

"I guess I'd be a humorless crank too, if I had your job."

"Don't blame me. I voted for Kerry."

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